She even gives head with a lisp.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
