and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
