i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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