Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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