I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
