I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
