I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
