My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
