you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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