K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
