Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
