How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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