friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
