theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
