so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
