She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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