yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
