Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
