just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my sisters under your porch take her home
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Still dying that you shit outside
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
