yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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