You made me cry and you don't even care
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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