Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sext me about skeletons
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
