Do you still have your period?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
