my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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