where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
