elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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