you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
