What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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