I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
