whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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