U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I could have mohawked her pubes.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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