I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
