Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
