I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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