I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
