We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
