If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The adults are the big ones right?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
