Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
