Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
