Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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