the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
