i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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