You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
