remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
