You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
