i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
