Ambien. No doubt about it.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
