3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
