My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
