I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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